Nov 10, 2011

Kyle's Cassettes: Felt - The Splendor of Fear/Crumbling the Antiseptic Beauty

The Splendor of Fear/Crumbling the Antiseptic Beauty
1984 Cherry Red
So if your anything like me your probably just about all stocked up on all these fucking goons being so overly over the top sincere about their love for The Smiths and any other piece of dog shit Morrissey narrowly avoided stepping into on a sidewalk. I mean I really couldn’t give less of a shit about how his lyrics have touched you so deeply and that’s why you’ve been a vegetarian since you were like two years old. Don’t get me wrong I love The Smiths and all; when I’m out with my old lady at some tastefully understated Brooklyn bistro and they come on I don’t complain. I just chew my food and mentally appreciate it without broadcasting 1400 tweets about it or worse, start crying all over my arugula salad.  Seriously kids the well is fucking dry. So that being the case, the question begs to be asked: What formerly over-looked, soft-ass British shit is there left to drool all over? Answer: Felt.

Not only is Felt about a hundred times cooler than the Smiths, but their front man could easily kick the shit out of Morrissey (which probably isn’t saying much, but the Mozzer is fond of ripping his shirt off about 19 times per song in the live show and I have to admit that for an older bloak he does look like he probably still works out (I wonder what he’s maxing out at on the bench?).) Anyhoos, Lawrence (yes they both go by single ambiguous monikers), to my mind at least, always had a better sense of style, taste and understatement. I’ll put it like this: Morrissey is to David Johansen as Lawrence is to Tom Verlaine. On one side you’ve got French symbolist poetry and on the other you’ve got Buster Poindexter, you do the math.

Now if you haven’t heard of Felt don’t worry you’re not alone. I scored this tape from a thrift store in Chelsea for like 50 cents and when I took it to the counter the girl was all, “this looks cool, what is it?” and I sort of mumbled something about it being a sort of obscure eighties British group and she just gave me a blank stare. Then, and this is the best part, I said that it was one of the guys from Belle & Sebastian’s favorite groups of all time and she said, “I’ve never heard of them either.” At which point my jaw probably visibly unhinged it’s self in snobbish aghast and I was like, “I can’t help you,” and just chirped out of there. Whatever though because the point is that there is still time for you to find every demo that Felt ever committed to tape and whatever shite quality videos and live performances you can mine up on youtube and basically pretend that you’ve been into them since you were nine years old and start a band called I Worship The Crystal Balls of Vasco de Gama. Or whatever the fuck it is you kids do today. Just check out the fucking band, alright? Enough already. 

"Mexican Bandits" from The Splendor of Fear:

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